I used to be cool. I used to wear my hat backwards. I used to go out every Friday and Saturday night till 3 or 4 in the morning and get completely f-ing wasted. I used to drink and fight and lift weights. I used to play video games with my "boys" all day until my hang-over was healed and then do the weight lifting, drinking and fighting all over again. The nights didn't always include the fighting part, but the rate of occurrence was fairly high.
It happens to you oh... so slowly. First it's the realization that you don't have a fucking clue why anyone ever even watches MTV anymore. Then it's the understanding that you don't know any of the texting slang, much less how the fuck to send a text on your old ass broke down phone. The greatest realization that you are old and uncool is when you hear a song from the early years of true grunge, say...Mudhoney...with a high school kid, and they don't even know what the hell it is. It sneaks up quick and then bam, LIKE A SPIDER MONKEY you're too damn f-ing old to even ponder saying "That Shit is Phat."
To place a final layer of fine chocolate icing on this "I Used To Be Cool" Cake of mine is the transcript of the interaction between my 2 year old and I.
(I put him to sleep, he got up 5 minutes later):
Me - Super Dad - "Go To Bed."
B - the 2 yr old - "No".
Me - Super Dad - "Why?"
B - the 2 yr old - "I can't."
Me - Super Dad - "GO TO BED!"
B - the 2 yr old - "BE QUIET!"
Dissed by a 2 year old. (I'm too old to say diss....shit.)
Now , if you are a 20 something, you probably are bored by now, however this only provides the adequate amount of fuel to my "I Used To Be Cool" Cake fire.
The fact that I'm even writing about this makes me uncool to all the dumbass 20 somethings that will find this shit all so unlighting in 10 years. Ya, I used to be cool like you. Now I'm not. The weird thing is, I'm totally cool with this. In fact I like it. It is less work. I used to be cool and worry about what everybody thought of me. Now...who cares. I am soo cavalier about the fact that I am uncool that it has actually made me cool...OK Maybe not.
Stop looking at me with your straight billed cool hat...you look like a clown...and turn down your bass...bitch...my kids are sleeping...I'm out like Vanilla Ice!
I USED TO BE COOL!
I think you're cool, in the most "uncool" way if you want to be "uncool" since thats the "cool" thing. The point is; you're still cool to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Chelsea, totally :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and the MTV thing? Remember when they actually showed MUSIC VIDEOS? Idiots.
I'm not bored at all, I think you're hysterical. Of course, I'm not 20 either. Love the conversation with the two year old. My four year old told me that I was "getting on her last nerve" the other day. I was laughing too hard to reprimand her. One "cool" thing about being uncool is that it's nice to not care what people think anymore. It's a losing battle at this age anyway.
ReplyDeleteI have a blog that you might enjoy: www.iusedtobecool.com/blog
I also have a shirt that's perfect for you, "I used to be cool"--seriously, check it out at www.iusedtobecool.com
Hi Bobby ! I'm just so impressed..you are a total nut job. I do good work!!!! Guess who?
ReplyDeleteVery cool. I always enjoy the interviews. Thanks for having this blog
ReplyDelete