Monday, January 26, 2009

My Son is One Mean Mo-Fo When He Awakes!

There are some people you just don’t wanna mess with when they wake up, my son B is one of them. B is 2 ½ years old, and if you look him directly in the eye within 5 minutes of his latest R.E.M cycle, you’ll wish you wouldn’t have! If you hear him cry just let him be. If you go into his room during that first 5 minutes, watch the hell out.

There he is, hunched over in the corner of his shaded room, like a Gorilla in the mist, protecting his youngling (Or in this case “Jaffy” the Giraffe he takes everywhere he goes.), possibly pooping, pondering his next move to attack you and all you hold dear.

If you have the pleasure of watching B in the future, don’t go near him right after nap…I’m telling you. Don’t do it!

The other day I walked into that dark room he calls home during this volatile waking period and naively said, “Hi B, how ya doin?” He aptly replied, “You get outta here, Don’t say dat to meeeeeee!” He then charged and attempted to grapple. I fought him off, narrowly escaping tragedy. I realize that I am not nearly as tough as my 2 ½ yr. old, so I got the hell outta dodge. I still cringe at the thought of him rushing toward me, springing from the shadows like a fullback smelling the end-zone.

Take this into consideration before entering his room post slumber all Christopher Columbus confident. He’ll cut your ass down to size.

After the 5 minute grace period the kid is sweet as can be, just wait it out…wait it out….


  1. ha. ha.

    You need to take some self defense classes. I bet he'd be happy if you walked in with a cookie. Just sayin.


  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!

    I did daycare for five years. I mostly worked with the under-two group but I did my time with the 2-3 year olds too. We had a couple who were a lot like that. I remember the hushed whispers of "Joey is up. Don't make any eye contact!"

  3. Bro, I thought my boys were crazy. You may need to take out a restraining order.

    I'm just saying...

  4. Too funny! 2 1/2 years olds can be TOUGH!

  5. that's hilarious!

    and I turned the boy over to the manager at the store. Reluctantly. but it is probably better that I wasn't there to see that kid's mother.