Saturday, February 28, 2009

A Short Trip to Inappropria

This week I went to the funeral of my half-brother and half-sister’s great aunt. I took the day off work for this. She was a lively, friendly and caring person, and I am glad I went, however, at this sad event I encountered a place I like to call Inappropria.

After the funeral, my extended family held a luncheon in honor of “Aunt Margaret" and her fiery-red hair. It was your typical post-funeral eat-in. People gravitating to sit at the table in their “safe place,” awkwardly avoiding those they don’t know.

At this luncheon, they served up a little booze, a little wine, and a little beer. To avoid the place I call Inappropria, you should only have “a little” bit of the alcohol.

My half-brother and half sister’s second cousin (I know this is complicated), “Buzz” proceeded to hit the hard stuff. After approximately 3 scotch and waters, Buzz crossed over from his “safe place” and began conversing with my mother, Janet.
Buzz began to tell my mother how beautiful she was at her wedding. I have seen pictures of my mother at her 1st wedding to my half-brother and half-sister’s father, Ronnie, and indeed she was beautiful. Buss went on to describe how great an experience this wedding was at the tender age of 6. All of this conversation was held in Appropriate-Land. No issues here in Appropriate-Land, just pleasant conversation.

Then, all of the sudden, Buzz went there. Buzz saddled up his horse and leapt over the fence into Inappropria. Buzz spewed the following line into the universe, “Janet, when I saw you that day of your wedding, I gotta tell you, I thought to myself, I don’t know what Ronnie is gonna do, but I know what I’d do!”


Did you seriously just say you wanted to have sex with my mother at a funeral luncheon?

My mother’s reply was, “Oh you…” My reply was, “WOW!” My 25 year old nephew’s reply was also, “WOW!” We were both taken aback by this comment, and if this comment would have been made any other place, besides a funeral luncheon, I would have told good old Buzz that he was inappropriate, and that he just dragged my family and I into a dirty and weird back-alley we didn’t wanna go.

What was so funny and ironic about this character you ask? Buzz was the guy who says all the Catholic responses half-a-second earlier and louder than everybody else in Church, just so you all know he knows them better than you. If you have ever been to a Catholic service, you know this guy.

That was my trip into the strange land of Inappropria. There are certain times to be in Inappropria (at the bar with your close buddies, in your own head, maybe in the bedroom from time to time, etc.) but not at a funeral luncheon, in that situation.

Maybe I shouldn’t judge Buzz, I’ve taken people to Inappropria plenty O’ times I guess, I just wish he'd have waited until I went for a beer to make the comment.

Uh oh, my son just got on top of the couch and said, “I’m captain underpants!” I gotta run before someone gets hurt up in this piece.

Has anyone gone to Inappropria with you lately?


  1. i think he just wanted to bake cookies with her and have her read "goodnight moon" to him... i mean really, do 6yr olds really think like that? boys are so weird!

    i'll definitely read your blog on my blogish radio show =)

  2. The more I think about your radio show, the more I like that idea.

  3. That is a little twisted; even with 3 scotch and water. I applaud you for not knocking his block off.

    Capt. Underpants? I don't think we've had that one.


  4. That is crazy. I'm fortunate to be able to say that I've only been to one funeral in my life of 35 years and that was in 2007. Nothing as crazy as this happened either but then crazy might be good. Just not the kind Buzz likes. ha. ha. Kudos to having a hot mom though. Better then the pinks rollers and shabby robes. Just saying.

  5. Once I was at a funeral for my great aunt and at the dinner after my great uncles wife passed out in her food (literally face first) because she had taken too many painkillers. She had to be walked out hanging on my cousin fro support. So awkward.

  6. HA! That is hysterical, I'm pretty bummed I misse that- not the whole funeral schtick though....and I pretty much drive to Inappropria all the time.

  7. Wonderful menu! I have started creating my very own laundry detergent merely not too long ago * as well as find it irresistible -- but don't have a very pretreatment bottle of spray -- They're Effortless elements that i'm planning to give this a try!!! Thanks for publishing that!

  8. Now, I am looking for suggestions cheapest phones for making throughput visible at the wall.

  9. Great and useful site! It's worthful in my lifetime~ Also, I think we should learn more in the future, so I choose this site to study! Not only are Günstiges android-Handy ohne Vertrag online kaufen there many friends, but also there are many resoures~